Disclaimer: No ducks were injured in the writing of this blog. We assume no responsibility for their emotional damage, however…
Well, it’s gonna be hard to keep a straight face on this one, but we’re giving it the best shot we can… considering anything you’re about to read will be filled with double- and possible-triple entendres… and we intend each entendre!
After reading the article linked at the bottom of this entendre entry, we are firmly convinced that all the United States government is good at is screwing the American taxpayers without so much as a “thank you” or a heavily-taxed cigarette (which, remember, we are required to purchase and smoke to pay for children’s healthcare, as if Obamacare wasn’t enough).
So as to be sensitive with any pre-legal age readers of our blogs, we take this moment to advise you to go find something less dangerous to your mind, such as playing some blood-spatter filled video game, as upcoming words are about to be, oh, shall we say, not PG-rated? We harken back to a Green Arrow comic we once read back in the ‘70s (hey, if you haven’t watched the TV show “Arrow” this season, you are missing the best series on TV since “Smallville”!) where Green Arrow was going through his mail, and with each letter he said, “William, William, William… otherwise known as BILLS!” Well, here we’re going to quickly discuss Mallard Richards, Mallard Richards, and Mallard Richards… as Achmed the Dead Terrorist says, “Think about it!…”
Are you youngsters off blowing up the world on your video games now? Good.
OK, if you haven’t guessed yet, Mallard Richards is the formal name of duck dicks. Yes, we said it (what do you mean, you don’t get it? Just follow along, you will…), and that is what our esteemed government has decided is worth studying.
Our President and Congress are paying to learn how ducks f**k and make little Mallard Richardses… otherwise known as duckie dickies…
In the name of sequestration, President Obama had no choice but to cancel the free White House tours, but full funding for research into how male ducks gang-bang female ducks was of critical interest to the American taxpayers. OK, let’s see a show of hands of whose lives are now complete because of the knowledge of fowl sex habits? Oh, remember how we mentioned how the government loves to screw us at every turn? Well, after reading this article you’ll never look at a wine bottle opener again the same way…
As the forces of Al-Qaida, which the President said was no longer a threat, prepare for their next terrorist attacks on American citizens and property, which will be blamed on another non-existent anti-Muslim video no one has seen, we can feel at ease and fulfilled that our ducks will continue to go forth and multiply thanks to our tax dollars. After we post this entry, we shall walk down to the duck pond at the end of the street and watch for free what politicians paid nearly half a million dollars…
Let us know what you think! Did we hit the bill on the head, or did we get a little daffy?
J&C Wordsmiths- authors of TASK FORCE NOVELS